Think of a two year old having a tantrum as a runaway train: we don’t stand back and wait for them to crash; we step in to help them pull the handbrake.
At around two years old, children start developing new emotions. And they’re some of the big ones: anger, frustration, guilt, embarrassment – really heavy-duty feelings. They’re not notoriously known as the Terrible Twos for nothing.
As adults, we can have a tough enough time with these emotions ourselves, so imagine trying to process them as a two year old without enough vocabulary, life experience (let’s call it wisdom) and factual knowledge to make sense of them.
Believe it or not, the journey to self-regulation starts at that tender age of two. Self- regulation is the way in which we begin to understand and manage our feelings; it’s what helps us learn how to behave and get along with other people. And two year olds need a lot of help at this critical stage of their development.
We don’t send a child away because their emotions are too big, too disruptive, or too inconvenient… we support them through their meltdown.
Think of a child having a tantrum as a runaway train: we don’t stand back and wait for them to crash; we step in to help them pull the handbrake.
If you take one thing from this blog, it should be this: time outs are OUT for two year olds! At that age, children are too young to appreciate that a time out is a consequence.
What Master or Miss Two needs is a time in.
“Easy!” said no parent ever. So, how do we manage a time in to support a child in meltdown?
First off, remaining calm (or even pretending to be calm) is key. Even if we’re overwhelmed, we must remain the adult in the situation and understand that meeting a child’s tantrum with a grown up’s anger or distress is like putting a match to fireworks.
We place ourselves at the child’s physical level (whether they’re on the floor or up a tree!) We try putting a hand on their shoulder. We let them know we’re there with them and understand they are feeling really bad right now.
The most important thing at this point is the child becomes aware we are there; they are not left to manage this big feeling by themselves.
A hug or putting the child on your lap is very important. Hugs generate the hormone oxytocin which stimulates the “calming down” part of the nervous system. Hugs are the language that a two year old will best understand.
Often, a change of stimuli is helpful. A quiet room, a comfy bean bag, a cuddly toy, their blanket, or heading outside can provide a welcome sensory distraction for the child.
After the child has calmed down, help them talk about their feelings: “Did you feel angry when your truck broke? That must have felt bad.”
This is the opportunity for the child to better understand their emotions and gives them some words to express themselves. And, when we acknowledge how they feel, we model empathy and build trust.
Helping a two year old regulate their very big feelings can be a real test of our nerve, but will set them up for great self-esteem, mental and physical wellbeing, and successful relationships throughout their life!
Between the ages of around three to five, a child’s sleep patterns begin to change as their brains undergo a very significant shift in the organisation and timing of their slumber. As time goes on, they will stop napping, which is a big change of gears. But needing daytime naps less and less as they grow older does not always mean that they’ll arrive at bedtime willing or able to sleep.
Amazing things happen to our bodies when we’re asleep which are crucial to our survival! The body works to repair muscles, organs and cells, while chemicals that strengthen the immune system circulate throughout the blood. Cortisol, the hormone tied to stress, decreases as we sleep and, for children, the level of growth hormone will increase. During sleep the neural pathways that allow us to create and maintain memory will communicate with one another to store information. Poor sleep means that these crucial processes are not occurring as they are meant to, which can have significant consequences for any adult, let alone a small child.
At this critical developmental stage in their lives, kindergarten aged children will need about 10-13 hours of sleep nightly. Anything less than this can not only affect their mood and behaviour (parents will already know this from dealing with a cranky, teary child!) but can have a major impact on their learning ability… most significantly on their memory.
Poor sleep creates a domino effect that needs to be disrupted early
At four years old, kindergarten programs focus on school readiness. Number and letter patterns are learned, children acquire more vocabulary, their motor skills are challenged, as are their alertness and attention and ability to retain information.
Their working memory is really starting to fire up as they build upon knowledge they’ve acquired. Continued bad sleep will inevitably impact a child’s memory and their ability to retain and apply their knowledge… which can, in turn, affect their self-esteem. Poor sleep creates a domino effect that needs to be disrupted early.
Top Tips for Sleep Health
If you haven’t already, start putting a consistent bedtime routine in place straight away!
Stick to bed times even on weekends and school holidays
Bedtime should have pleasant associations: hugs, a snuggly blanket, cosy pyjamas, a cuddly toy, dim lighting, projector or night lights, stories, soft music
Your child should spend at least the last hour of the day away from screens and bright lights… a night light or lamp can set a calming atmosphere for quiet activities
Children sleep best in a cool (not cold) room where they can snuggle up
Make sure your child has eaten no less than two hours before bedtime and avoid sugary snacks in the later part of the day
Warm milk before bed can help (but not after teeth brushing)
Ensure your child is receiving enough sunlight especially first thing in the day, exercise and nutritious food (but avoid overly physical activities at least two hours before bed)
Some children can feel scared or anxious at bedtime. Give them some power over their routine, such as choosing a story, choosing their pyjamas, choosing a toy.
A reward chart for a child who resists bedtime can be a real motivator: a tick or a star for every night as they settle into their routine can be rewarded after five consecutive nights (but keep recognizing the routine until it becomes second nature.)
If, after committing to a healthy sleep routine and you find no improvement in your child’s sleep, we recommend having a word with your doctor.
